I'm creating this blog to allow friends to experience my internal workings that I oft wonder if I should even divulge. I feel that the best way to write about what's in my head, is to scribe what's on my heart. By doing this, I hope to find freedom and a release of thoughts that would otherwise camp out in my mind.

As many of you know I have had quite a bit of time to just think and reflect on
years passed, friendships, who I am in Christ, my role as a wife, decisions, and how it has all been orchestrated by the Lord. Living in Chattanooga, and being unemployed (except nannying and substitute teaching) gives me hours upon hours to meditate on the Lord and I find myself engulfed in the question: Where am I finding my worth?

Ponderings and Dwellings.
...Now that I'm in TN, friends are sparse. Matt and I have looked to our neighbors for friendships. We are so thankful for the kindness that many of them have shown. Joel and Ashley, our closest friends thus far, moved back to Florida recently, which led us to search again.

...Friendships are on my mind probably more than they should be. I am jealous. I see close friends of mine who have friends within arms reach and could spend any amount of time with them that they please. I see events and adventures, that I wish I was a part of. I know that's not my situation anymore, and that if I dwell on what once was, instead of what is that I will not find joy here. My head knows that's a truth, but my heart hasn't soaked that in yet. I envy those who are constantly surrounded by love and support from friends and family. I love my friends and family, and the difficulty of not being near anyone sometimes seems unreal. It takes time to build all new relationships, especially without any initial connections. Without a church, or job, I am finding it hard even to figure out where to start. I don't feel hopeless, because there is hope for me yet. I know God has many people for us to be with here, we just haven't reached that yet.

...We are looking for a church home, and have tried around 8 churches so far. It's helpful experiencing different styles of teaching/worship, yet exhausting when we leave the service knowing that it's not a fit for us. We want to find a place where we can serve youth. We don't want to feel like we should be wearing our Sunday best when we arrive. We are seeking a scripturally-centered message where God is speaking through the pastor. Conservative Christianity seems to be the name of the game in churches we've visited thus far, and that's not who we are either. We are looking for a church that loves God, loves others, engages the congregation, has community that brings everyone together and not just on Sundays. It's not a list of things that are unattainable, and we know God has a church already picked out for us, that he knew we would go to before we even moved here. I find comfort in that truth.

...I wonder if I am a good friend, a challenging friend, a loving friend, an encouraging friend, a thoughtful friend.. or just a friend. I want my friends to know that I'm figuring out who I am again with God's help, and I will continue to try to be a woman of integrity and great devotion in my friendships.

...I'm seeing that I'm imperfect in many ways, and am thankful for redemption.

...My recent joy has been found in asking God for a mind that is out of this world. One that is full of 1 Corinthians 13 love, in my friendships I want to see perfection in the imperfections. I pray for my eyes to be transformed to see people the way God does.

There is so much more swirling thought, soon to be coming out in word form.

Love and keep loving,
Kristin